new fear

i had the worst dream of my life....I went to sleep at 1:15 1nd woke up at 1:45....in 30 minutes I discovered a new fear. When I was little, I used to have nightmares. Sleeping in my parents bed was not uncommon for me. I was soooo afraid to have nightmares that I would fall asleep EVERY night talking to Jesus. "no bad dreams jesus, no bad dreams jesus, no bad dreams jesus, no bad dreams jesus...." over and over until I was asleep. Then I discovered I could wake myself up from a dream. It was amazing! For years now, I've been waking myself when I had a bad dream. 

So when I went to bed tonight, I had this funny feeling in my head. Like this deathly silence trapped in my head. I started having this bad dream so I tried to wake myself up and I would wake up in my dream....but I was still dreaming. I tried desperately over and over again to wake myself up. So more scarry than the actual dream was the fact I couldnt wake up. I remember even praying in my dream and casting the devil over. Cuz I had this feeling that he had this grip and me and was forcing me to live in the dream. 

I finally woke up. I have a terrible headache... When I got out of bed, I almost passed out. My eyes were blurry. yeah its wierd I know.